It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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