Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
