He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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