She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
