He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
