you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
