saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
