Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
