need another drink. this is the easiest way
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
