So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
