She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
