We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
