I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
