one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
