He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
