he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Still dying that you shit outside
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
