she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
