Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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