Your mouth is God's brothel.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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