That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This house was built for laser tag.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
