: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
