we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
