Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
