Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
