he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
