How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want to fling myself into the sun
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
