he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
