If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
