Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
