He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
