Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm too high and old for this...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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