I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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