i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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