I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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