i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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