proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
