you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
