Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
