So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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