So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
