Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
