I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
