Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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