She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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