Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
