I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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