It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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