just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
