I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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