Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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